wide awake

so much is happening right now.
beginning this chapter in my life hasn't been easy.
but it has needed to happen.

my job.
where to begin.
so stressful.
unappreciated.
overworked.
underpaid.
the usual with any job i guess.
people keep using this word passion.
i love children.
with everything in my heart...
but do i love people in management?
no.
is it worth the stress and let downs?

new place.
love being this close to work.
love living with my best friend.
love knowing that i am far enough from people yet close enough to see them if i want.
dislike knowing that the type of job that i desire can not be found here.
dislike not having my friends close.
not being able to see my brother at the drop of a hat.

stressed to the max.
today and this week have really put into perspective my love of teaching.
i have set goals and accomplished them, but yet i still hate where i am.
no matter what these people don't appreciate the work i do.
sure I'm confident and cocky but i don't "shout it to the world"
i need something to go right.
i want to see my brother and hang out with him.
i want my sister to do something she loves.

i worry so much about the people around me and the small things that i cant wrap my head around the bigger picture.
what am i supposed to be doing with my life.
do i quit and pray for something to come along.
I'm unhappy and barely hanging on.
there has got to be more to life.